Mr B and I have tested our new ropes a few times now, even though they’re cotton I really like them! The pink and the purple ropes from Bondage Boutique are my favourites. They’re very soft, had a neutral scent and feels like fairly good quality. The black ropes from Doc Johnson I’m not quite as happy with; they’re not as soft as the other ropes, they smell a little (lavender, I think?) and right from the box it had a few threads sticking out in the middle of the rope – not really a quality item. I ended up cutting it in half to get two 5m ropes. Neither rope has burnt me (yet, lol), but I guess that’s due to the fact that we’re noobish and not really going super fast with the ropes.
Of these two I would definitely recommend Bondage Boutique – their ropes have the smaller price tag as well.
A couple of people in my city started up a shibari…club? Hangout? Whatever. They rent a place, people come there with their ropes, tie eachother up, exchange ideas and stuff. It’s really fun, and very valuable to us just starting out. One of the people there (to be fair, I have met him before) showed me how to do up my ropes in a very pretty and handy way, as shown above.
One of the originators of this meeting-thingy has tied me up on two occasions outside of these meetups – as late as yesterday in fact! She’s (in my eyes) really good and I feel very safe in her arms (+ she cuddles me, which is always a pro!). Yesterday she put me up in a quick suspension so I could try that out, and it was wonderful. I felt so free! Like being a child on a swing, but much better.
I do however feel that shibari might not be the best hobby for me – I feel like I’m a little too fluffy at the moment, my limbs are stiff as shit and my skin bleeds. But who cares, right? Almost all those things can be taken care of, if I just stop being lazy and maybe do some stretches. I really enjoy being a little bunny
I’ve finally got my hair cut and coloured, and I’m happy with the results! I’m a little bit blonder and I also decided to go for a streak of pink/purple just because it would be fun (and it’s also ITP awareness month. ITP is the bleeding disorder I have and purple is ITP’s colour the same way pink is breast cancers).
The pink/purple looks a bit grey in the picture but it’s really quite bright. I like it!
Since the funny coincidence with my new friend I’ve been thinking about doing nude modeling again. About three weeks ago I stumbled upon an advert from a school in town looking for croquis-models starting right now. I called them up, they were very interested and wanted to meet me the next week to see who I was and give me an opportunity to watch another model. The fact that I had modeled in the past made them really happy, because then they kinda knew beforehand that I really could do it and wouldn’t back out because I was uncomfortable being nude in front of people (if they only knew.. haha).
I modeled the first time this weekend, I was really nervous. Didn’t know if I had the strength to model (I’ve been slacking hard this year), my confidence is low due to fresh scars and the weight I’ve put on, was scared that my poses would be too “basic” (especially since I was very sick) etc. But it went really well! I was a bit uncomfortable at the start, I even blushed, hahah. After one or two poses I was more comfortable and I rocked it! I feel like I didn’t do too basic stuff (compared to the model I saw on my visit) and the teacher even said a few times to his students: “this is a hard pose” – and he wants me to come back, so I must have done well.
As time progressed I thought of my body and extra fat as an asset – not only did the students have to keep track of my body’s lines and movements, but also my curves! The teacher said: “isn’t it fun to sketch a model with a bit of volume! It’s rare!” (I’ve seen two of the other female models and both have very straight, flat body types.)
At the end of class everyone got to lay out a couple of their favorite drawings and critique each other. There were sooo many beautiful drawings, it was so cool seeing the same pose from different angles and with different styles of drawing. That made me feel even more empowered and boosted my confidence more. I got permission to haggle with the artists about their drawings and managed to get a few of them home. Not everyone I wanted, because some of the artists were really quick at packing their stuff, haha.
Here’s three from the same artist, and two similar poses due to them being 5 min long and me being a sick, lazy person:
And here’s one from another artist:
I thought I would absolutely hate drawings from sitting poses, because everyone looks fat as shit when sitting. But I adored almost all drawings from this pose, especially this one! The artist said: “I love it, because the pose feels like you’re a queen, looking at your subjects!” haha.
I’ll probably model again in a week or so, hopefully it’ll go even better and I’ll manage to “steal” even more drawings!
I placed my first ever order from Lovehoney last week, late night the 14th. My parcel was despatched the 15th and I was able to collect it the 18th. Pretty quick delivery, if you ask me! (International customer)
The packaging was very discreet, but not very sturdy. It was a tad banged up and I’m worried whether or not this packaging will do when shipping fragile electronic devices. Maybe they put in some bubble wrap or something for those orders, I don’t know.
My order was two buttplugs, Lelo-kit (lube and cleaner), three cotton shibari ropes, a dildo and a Bettie Page spanking bat. I will go in to more detail about these items and give each one a proper review. That’ll be posts for later though.
Overall I’m very satisfied with my choice to shop at Lovehoney, and I most definitely will shop there again (they have lots of stuff I want, haha).
We’d been thinking a while about going to a fetish ball that was held on saturday, but we just couldn’t make up our minds. Leaned towards a “no”, but we went to the market they held earlier in the day to see if we could find appropriate clothing IF we decided to go, couldn’t really find anything so we went to the sex shop who sold tickets to the ball to look for clothing there. Actually found something and asked the organizer -very- last minute if that would be okay according to the dress code, we got a “yes” and purchased our tickets just a little while before the shop closed. Also purchased two lotto tickets for $2, and WON first prize! A We-Vibe 2! So I’ll be posting a review on that later on. I never win stuff so that was really fun!
This is how I looked:
Actually decided against the pasties in the first pic and also had this on more than the robe (on top of the white body), to feel less naked:
The performances on the fetish ball were really cool. Especially the shibari/kinbaku show, I was totally spellbound! A friend/colleague of mine also performed, it was my first time seeing her in her (dominant) element, which was very fun!
I got to see a lot of tits and ass, a lot of sex and a lot of spanking/flogging. The t&a were nice and all, but seeing all the red butts strutting around made me all tingly inside. I sucked MrB’s cock in front of an audience, and was put on his lap and got a real good spanking before going home. Had to go home early, but had a lot of fun anyway. Here’s how my butt looked when we got home and the morning after:
And here’s todays butt-status:
I get horny and hungry for more just seeing it!
Forgot to write about the Pride parade I participated in a couple of weeks ago. I was on a truck with Rose Alliance. We had some really big problems getting volunteers to guard the truck tires and stuff, publicly supporting sex workers can be very frightening. Thankfully we got a hold of a few volunteers last minute, I love them to bits for being there for us! I was actually pretty surprised about the amount of people who came to us and helped with blowing balloons, pimping our ride and celebrated with us. The love from the people watching the parade was also pretty overwhelming. It was my first time so I was kinda shocked about people actually smiling, waving, throwing kisses and cheering for us – and it wasn’t just one or two either, it was (in my mind) lots of people!
This is the placards we had, they brought a lot of attention! Tired, but happy, on my way home.
At home, showing off my parade-outfit to Mr Baker.
Oh yeah – one of the lesbians on our truck told me I was a fabulous person and had the best boobs ever, which made me really happy! And also, this week Amnesty International decided to support sex workers human rights and decriminalization, so this month has been truly awesome so far!
I’m blindfolded, bent over the side of the bed. In comes a nameless, faceless man. He puts his hand on my throat and squeezes lightly, kisses my neck and presses his hard cock against my bum. My heart is already racing. He whispers to me in the most amazing, sexy voice: “I am going to use you now, as the fuckdoll you are”, he gently caresses my cheek with one hand, the other still firmly attached to my throat. I can hear him unbuckling his belt, and the belt and his pants falling to the floor at the exact same time his cock penetrates my pussy with ease. Almost right away he says: “this isn’t enough for a slutty little whore like you”, and suddenly I feel a third hand giving my butt one single hard slap. The second man quietly lay down beside me. “MOVE!” Mr sexy voice says with such authority that I immediately jump up, and almost topple over. He catches me, tells me to use my hands to find my way to his friend and straddle him. I obey, and as soon as I’m in place Mr sexy voice starts playing with my butt, penetrating it with one, then two fingers. Here I am, riding a man I have no idea who he is – by the orders of another man I don’t know, who has his fingers in my ass – and I’m so turned on I’m ready to come at a moments notice. Mr sexy voice takes a hold of my throat again with his free hand, squeezes harder than before, and just as I’m about to tap out he loosens his grip. He pushes me forward, making his friends cock slide out of me. His friend kisses my neck and just as he bites down on it so hard it’s making me scream, Mr sexy voice shoves his cock inside my asshole. Both of them snicker at me, and proceeds to fuck and choke me mercilessly.
I’ve been so horny the last couple of hours. I don’t know if it has to do with thinking about exhibitionism after writing the last post or what.. haha. The story above is a condensed version of what I was fantasizing about while masturbating earlier. Double penetration is my “go to” thing when I want to get off, hehe
I’ve been going on and on about playing GTA online, right? Well, about a week ago after having a few drinks I realized I haven’t really gotten to know the guys I play with (I just know what they work with and what their voices sound like). So I started chatting with one of them and found out he likes to draw. I mention that I’ve modeled nude for an art school in the town we’re both from, and he tells me he actually attended that art school and got to draw a croquis-model once upon a time. I started smiling and asked him what year, because it would be a funny coincidence if I was the model.
He says what year, and what he remembers about the models look. He remembered a very specific and original detail, so I immediately realized that it indeed was ME. I was the naked person in front of him that only time in his life he’d painted a nude model. Hahaha. And 8 years later we play games together. So random!
This is a post from my drafts. Started it a few months ago and I was saving it until I had a graph where I had an orgasm, but stuff got in the way so I’ll publish this now and make a follow-up post with an orgasm later!
We bought a heart rate monitor a few days ago and, being the degenerates we are, of course we had to try using it while engaging in sexual activities! I haven’t seen anybody else doing this, so of course I had to share it with you. It seems to have lost contact a few times judging by the graphs, just ignore that.
First try was during a 35-40 min long session where Mr B focused on pleasing me without sticking his cock in me:
I had a bad day with trouble relaxing and I couldn’t come. Right before the 30 min mark I was about to, but as you can see it disappeared.
Second try was 10 min masturbation in the shower with my Lelo Wand:
Wasn’t excited or even really in the mood, it was more of a “fuck I’m bored”-masturbation, lol. And even though I got to the “this is nice”-stage I was frustrated the whole time because the motherfucking Lelo wouldn’t keep an even speed (had to hold in the plus-button for it to run pretty smoothly. It was fully charged so WTF Lelo?).
Then I put my naked self in the bed and took help from the Palmpower instead for a 15 min third try, because now I wanted to come (maybe mostly because I was annoyed, lol):
The dip before 6 min is when I sent out this tweet:
Almost 2 months since my last post, I am so sorry. Been getting more and more comments about it, last email came in 30 min ago, so I thought I’d explain my situation.
Y’all know I really love writing this blog, posting nudes and so on. I’ve said before that I’m burnt out, and that has been really hard for me. One of the reasons for me hitting the wall has been my bleeding disease, which seems to be more in control since my surgery, but I’m still experiencing symptoms and therefore the hospital recently started another investigation about my blood. Since surgery almost three months ago I have also had a pain in my belly (wrote about that in my previous post), it’s not as bad anymore but it has affected how my brain works. I’m still afraid to be in certain positions for too long or bend over too much, so while I can have really good sex by myself and even with Mr B, I’m almost constantly worrying and/or in pain. The meds I’m taking are making me very easily agitated, so I’m in a bad mood very often and I kick off over the tiniest things. The previous meds I’ve taken the last few months have made me put on a lot of weight, over 10 kgs in fact, which in combination with new, red scars on my belly have had an impact on my self-esteem.
As you can probably imagine, all these things combined has made it hard for me to focus, find inspiration and feel sexy. I’ve mostly been fleeing to the world of GTA V online with a friend and his friends. I do try to stay somewhat active on twitter, and post at least once a week, even a few pics has come up there when I have had a good day.
I’m planning on editing all the material I have lying around as soon as I find myself a bit more focused, then you’ll get a looooooot of pics. For now, you get the pics I have on my phone and from webcam (some of which are posted to twitter).
Why do so many health professionals seem to get shocked when a patient talks about sex?
Just talked to a nurse about the pain in my belly since surgery – the pain is on “the wrong side” and is still there after three weeks, which I find strange. I told her that I still can’t bend over properly and that it hurts when I (try to) have sex, and she suddenly went quiet for a second and seemed to not really know what she was going to say until she told me to go to the ER if it was really bad.
Another story pretty fresh in my mind is when I saw a therapist, she had a student with her, and she asked if I had any specific questions or thoughts on my mind. This was an appointment regarding my burnout, so my libido had been really low but mostly I saw it as a very good opportunity to plant an idea in the students head about the importance of sexual health. So I said something like: “one of the things that makes most people feel better is sex, but because I’m so burnt out my libido is practically gone. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle that?” At first she seemed a bit surprised, and when she started talking it felt a bit like rambling. At least she tried!
I think this just shows how taboo it still is to talk about sex. Just think, if the only problem my belly caused me was in sexual situations I might have felt that I couldn’t call and ask about it, or if I couldn’t bring up the libido thing with my therapist even though that was the thing that bothered me most at that moment. Not everyone is as comfortable talking about sex as I am. Even if your primary education isn’t about the reproductive organs you should still be able to talk about them and about sex with patients, especially if you’re in the psychiatry-field I think. Just a simple question or hint of a question could help someone open up about it!
Long after everyone else I finally saw the movie “Magic Mike” yesterday, since I’ve heard and read so many good things about it. Yeah, yeah I know it’s old as fuck by now, but I want to talk about it anyway.
This is a movie that really doesn’t have a story. Even the love story in it isn’t very developed/in depth, it’s more about drooling over gorgeous mens beautiful, fit, half-naked bodies. Not too bad, they are without a doubt very handsome.
If this movie had female leads it would have created a shitstorm – possibly liked as softcore-porn by people who likes women and are disgusting anti-feminists who likes porn, but hated by women all over the world because it’s so degrading and sexist (because everybody knows that sexwork is degrading – sorry, female sexwork).
I dare to claim that the movie would be considered DISGUSTING.
But in Magic Mike we have men in the leads. Men are undressing for money. And the female audience loves it.
In two separate occasions it’s said that the 19 year old Adam is a stripper because he’s young and it’s fun (said by other character), and he even says himself that he’s having so much fun, he has money and get’s to fuck whoever, whenever and he’s living free.
If a woman was playing this part she would have been portrayed as doing it because she had to. She didn’t have any other options to support herself (and probably her child), and she doesn’t want anything more than to be able to quit dancing. And oh, her age! She’s just 19, she’s a stupid child doing stupid things!
We also get to see the strippers have sex with some of the people from the audience. Women would have been called prostitutes, these men are just having fun. Lord have mercy on the woman who’s selling her body or have casual sex with several people!
Suppose a woman would have done the scene with “the living doll”. Immediately we would read analysis upon analysis about it – objectification of women and all that. Now it’s just a handsome dude doing a humorous show where he’s playing a Ken-doll.
Suppose a woman had the part as Adam in the scene where he does his first performance. (He more or less gets forced out on stage.) If it had been a woman people would have gone crazy about the fact that she was forced, taken advantage of in a weak position. And she’s just 19 the poor thing! Adam is just funny because he’s so uncomfortable – and sexy, we can’t forget sexy!
What’s most remarkable is that the “strip club-world” is portrayed as something okay, something fun, and at least one of the strippers has other ambitions too. I haven’t seen even one movie, where the strippers are female, where the clubs are portrayed this way. Most often than not the clubs are shabby, not particularly full and the guests are older, perverted men. The strippers themselves never have any ambitions, not more than dancing in enough cash for previously mentioned child or the next hit of drugs.
WHY are sexworkers “okay” (or “more okay”) as long as they’re male?
(In the movies of course, everybody knows there are no male sexworkers IRL.) WHY can a man make the conscious choice to be a stripper or have sex with several different people, while women are manipulated/brainwashed (either by a pimp or the patriarchy) or slutty/has a daddy-complex?
I know many other feminists (I’m a feminist too, you know) doesn’t really care about objectification of men, “it’s not the same because of the patriarchal structures that have been present for thousands of years” or some bullshit, but in my opinion you can’t be a true feminist and only care about objectification of women. Feminism is about equality, not about matriarchy. Also, in my opinion, you can’t be a feminist and not support consensual adults doing sexwork or not support sexworkers rights – feminists have been battling for womens right to their own body for far too long for any of us to come and tell them what they are allowed to do or not do with their body/sexuality. (I’m writing as though only women are sexworkers, because that’s what many people seem to think. I know better.)
I get so god damned angry about things like these, the double standard are so incredibly disgusting.
Best quote from the movie: “I’m not my god damn job”
A new season of Big Brother UK started a few days ago, and I decided to watch is this year as well.
This year there are both heterosexuals and homosexuals, and the lesbian – Adjoa – has been grilled by the other housemates. She’s never slept with a man, and have no interest in doing so (because she’s gay, duh) – this doesn’t sit well with the housemates. Or rather, with the straight male housemates.
“Well, how do you know you’re gay if you’ve never been with a man?”
“When you’re with a girl, do you use dildos? So why not have sex with a man?” etc.
The interesting thing is that NO ONE has asked the gay guy these questions – not in this or any other season (there’s always a gay guy). And NO ONE have told the guys that they’re being jackasses. At least the producers haven’t showed any of it.
If this is the logic: “some lesbians uses dildos, so they could just as well go fuck a man instead”, then why don’t all men who like anal or getting blowjobs go fuck another dude in the ass, or have a dude suck their dick? There’s no differences in these points of views. A hole is a hole, and a phallus is a phallus, right? Wrong. Why do lesbians have to hate penetration to be taken seriously? Why can’t we know we’re gay before we tried cock? How do straight people know they’re straight if they haven’t tried sex with the same gender?
It makes my blood boil. Women are constantly being questioned on their sexuality. We’re doomed if we don’t show our sexuality, and we’re doomed if we do – and the women who chooses to just fuck other women? They’re worse than doomed, because mens penises are Gods golden gift to humanity, how dare they turn them down!?
And just so you all know: there are women with penises, there are men with vaginas. If I’m gay and happen to fuck a woman who has a penis – that doesn’t make me straight. If I fuck a man who has a vagina or a man who has a penis, well then I might be straight, or bi. But just because I’m gay and like penetration and using dildos, doesn’t mean I’m straight or that I would even consider fucking a guy (whether he has a penis or vagina). So shut the fuck up.